Collecting T-Shirts

As I’ve spoken about before, I’ve mostly stopped collecting physical objects. Mostly. At any rate, the collecting of physical objects is WAY down from years previous.

So why do I keep buying t-shirts with super heroes on them?

I have no idea, really. There is no practical reason. I’ve never been a snappy dresser, never really been a t-shirt guy. Clothes have always been an annoying necessity for me, not things to adorn myself with or use to draw attention. In my college and bachelor years, I wore whatever I could get for cheap at K-Mart or Wal-Mart that would actually fit me. This was before they made all these super hero t-shirts readily available on the internet and in my size: GM (Gigantic Mutant).

There’s the vague idea that hipsters might think it’s cool to have some obscure comic character on their chest. But me? I love the obscure comic character. That’s why he’s on my chest. But…. But… it’s not exactly as if I spend the day looking at my chest.

My Aunt Melodee has noticed this less-than-redeemable habit of mine. She’s been quick to point out in whispery fashion to my cousins “Look Look…. I told you he would wear something comic booky.”

Yes, she used the word “comic booky”. I’m sure she just meant ‘weird’.

I also have no need for posters anymore. I have a metric ton of comic book posters, but not exactly a wealth of wall space. So while we’re slowly building the addition with what will eventually be my new comic book room, I don’t know yet if I plan to put up any posters. I DO have an excellent Aquaman fathead I got as a Christmas present one year and I’ll definitely be putting that up. But posters? I don’t know yet. Haven’t decided. Maybe I’ll get one or two frames and put up framed posters of just my favorites. Or maybe I’ll set up a rotation schedule and change the posters out periodically. I’ll need a spreadsheet. And an iPhone reminder….

… you see the problem.

One of the reasons I don’t feel the need for posters anymore is because I have a computer. I set the screen saver to a particular file location I have on my computer and it cycles through the comic book images I’ve stored up over the years. No need for a poster when I have a multitude of favorite images scrolling by on the computer screen.

So why the t-shirts?

Perhaps the image I’m sporting is not for me. Perhaps I’m subconsciously wearing these things for other people. What am I saying to the world?

“I like Batman”?

“I’m unique because I have a Mr Miracle t-shirt and you’ve probably never even heard of him”?

“If you’re a young, attractive female please don’t consider me worthy mating material because not only am I married with kids but I can’t dress myself as if I’m a normal human adult male”?

“I need a walk-on part on Big Bang Theory”?

My wife hates the t-shirts. She pretends she doesn’t and everything’s good, but she’s clearly not a fan. The only thing she hates more is the Flash wallet my sister got for me last Christmas. She also used to hate that I read comics in the doctor’s office waiting room. She hates any indication I outwardly make that marks me as not the most socially acceptable dude on the planet.

SO PLEASE… if you have any insight into this behavioral anomaly at all, lay it on me. My wife and I are desperately looking for a cure.

Thanks,
DCD

P.S. I can hear my father now… “Stop buying the shirts, idiot.”