The Aquaman Post

So, I started the blog with a handful of ideas in mind and formulated a general purpose for myself. I made the introduction, stuck to the theme, and planned out a few things to write about and do. And yet... people are asking me why I haven’t written about Aquaman yet.

YES. I love Aquaman. He’s by far my favorite comic book hero. I love the Justice League, was ‘turned on’ to comics by the Super Friends in the early seventies (I was four). I have always loved the beach, the ocean, and swimming. And all these things have only intensified with age. My nostalgic feelings about my Aquaman memories from my childhood have intensified. The mysteries of the ocean have allured me. The movie Jaws has made me forever wonder what’s just beneath the surface.

And yes, I get tired of Aquaman getting a bad rap from two-bit comedians all the time. It was funny twenty years ago when Tom Hanks did it in the movie Punchline. But it’s all been the same joke since then. Plus, there are other heroes that start with the letter ‘A’ that are far more lame than Aquaman.

This...






Plus this...






Equals Hearts-a-poppin'!





Sorry folks, inside joke. That dude up there is my buddy, Steve Lietuvnikasisaisies, and he loves the X-Men. Which I oh-so-helpfully interpret as love for Angel. Only one of us really thinks this is funny. Guess which one.

Click here to buy something Angel-related for Steve!

My main reason for not yet writing about Aquaman, or including him in any of my plans, is that the subject is covered far more comprehensively at the Aquaman Shrine. An excellent website, run by a super-nice guy, and I urge you all to visit it daily for your Aquaman needs.

So, I’ll keep my eyes open for Aquaman stuff with an interesting historical perspective that I can talk about, like this panel:





I love everything about that panel.

But for the most part, there’s nothing I can offer you that Rob Kelly of the Aquaman Shrine has not already covered and probably mastered.

…

…well…

…I may have ONE tidbit too which Rob doesn’t have access. One or two memories. Or three. Perhaps four. At least five solid stories of Aquaman directly affecting my development as a human being. Six. All right, seven but that’s IT.

There are at least three times in my life that I’ve almost died trying to emulate super-heroes, all in my childhood. No, I never climbed up on the roof and tried to jump off while wearing a red bath towel around my neck, although my father-in-law did. My ‘incidents’ were a little more complex.

First, there was the Hawkman incident. I had tied some cardboard flaps to my back and gone running around the house. I had used my sister’s jump rope to tie on the makeshift wings, and had made a perfect cross pattern on my chest just like Hawkman. But there was excess jump rope and it was getting in my way. So I looped the excess rope around my neck. I figured it was a good way to make sure the wings REALLY stayed on. I almost choked myself to unconsciousness before my Mom caught on that I was up to no good. She grabbed me by the wing as a staggered by.

Second, there was the Green Arrow incident. There were several Green Arrow incidents; actually, thanks to a toy bow and arrow set I had as a six year old in Texas. But the only clearly life-threatening situation was when I was convinced of my fine archery skills so thoroughly that I attempted to prove myself by hitting our house number next to the front door. The arrow went sailing beautifully right through the bathroom window. Knowing I had mere seconds to get to the bathroom and hide the arrow before Mom caught me; I shot into the house at full speed. Very nonchalantly, I sped past my Mom who was on the phone and calling out to me “What was that?” I threw her off my trail by yelling over my shoulder “I DON’T KNOW MOM BUT I’LL GO CHECK IT OUT!” I did not succeed in my subterfuge.

You may not think that was life-threatening, but my six-year-old self sure did.
Third, there was the Aquaman incident. My Dad had a tough time teaching me how to swim. Oh, I had no fear of the water and I took to it. The trouble came when he tried to teach me the proper way to swim and I tried to stick to the methods I had seen Aquaman use on the Super Friends. Arms straight, feet kicking was exactly the OPPOSITE of Dad’s method of freestyle. He did not understand the trouble. To me, it was clear as day. We’ve always had trouble seeing eye-to-eye. (That’s funnier if you know my father.) Anyway, one day on the way to the pool, it clicked in my head how one can be a champion swimmer and swim just like Aquaman and even stay under water indefinitely.

Drinking.

It was so obvious. So clear to me at that moment. Humans need water! We need to drink! Mom’s always on me that I don’t drink enough water! This was brilliant. I would keep this secret and test it out at the pool and then I would receive the accolades of the entire scientific community.

I DID try this method. It DID NOT work. I can’t recommend enough that you do not try this. I don’t remember much, just sinking and kicking and stroking and coughing (underwater) and thinking there was a flaw in the plan somewhere. Dad had to drag me out of the pool. He wasn’t happy, but at least I wasn't facing Mom after having shot out the bathroom window with an ill-advised toy bow-and-arrow set.

Let’s see the good old Aquaman Shrine report on THAT!

Thanks,
DCD